Eli - the Athlete!

Eli is officially finished with his first season of t-ball and soccer. Crazy us, we decided to sign him up for both sports at the same time...just to see which one he liked best! After shuttling the little guy between soccer practice, t-ball practice, soccer games, t-ball games, soccer pictures and t-ball pictures...we weren't all that upset to hear that he'd rather not play soccer next time. It WAS entertaining, though, to watch him try to stay as FAR AWAY from the soccer ball as possible. If that meant waiting for all of his other teammates to run by him in order to get to the back of the pack, that's exactly what he did! :)

 

T-ball was more his speed, but as you can see, he's the SMALLEST one out there! There was two Eli's on his team (so much for picking a unique name...) and he was "Little Eli." I certainly hope he grows soon! ;)

**originally posted June 18, 2008

New York - Mom and Daughter Trip!

Mom and I had always wanted to travel to New York City, so that's exactly what we did! :) For my 31st birthday (ugh!), she set up an amazing trip and we had such a wonderful time! 

We were able to see the Empire State Building... 

...the musical Rent (I was dying to be on stage!)... 

...and my favorite, the Staten Island Ferry!

But after a few days in record-breaking 100 degree weather + humidity...it was time to go!!

**originally posted June 18, 2008

Safety and Security.

What I need most and what I crave most in a relationship is safety and security. A friend told me the following while we were talking about relationships this week...and it really hit home. Very insightful.

"You need to feel safe in a relationship. To me, that comes from knowing you mean more to the other person than anyone else and that they will do everything they can to make you happy. Only then are you totally secure."

**originally posted June 24, 2008

Comfort.

I'm in awe of the quote below...and have been in deep thought about it since my friend Jackie posted it on my Myspace page yesterday. This is truly, truly what I want...
 

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

**originally posted July 11, 2008

Let it go.

I stole this from my friend Ashley's blog. So very true. The only people you need in your life are the people who have shown they need you in theirs.
 

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to........LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.....LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents....LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.........LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.....LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. "The Battle is the Lord's!"

**originally posted October 18, 2008

Domestic Violence

One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

-The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence


Domestic violence has been on my mind a lot lately. At first, I thought it was because of past experience and the fact that I'm about to begin my second term at Family Support Services, a local agency that focuses on the tragic epidemic...but I stayed up late last night thinking about it and I now realize it's because it's the holiday season - the prime time for domestic violence across the nation. During my stint as a crime reporter, one of the most depressing and terrifying stories I wrote was following a police ride-along to an overwhelming number of domestic violence calls. Officers told me a domestic violence call is one of the most dangerous calls an officer can respond to, and after seeing it firsthand...I see why. Domestic violence is a very complicated CYCLE. It often begins with threats and name-calling and moves to emotional and psychological abuse. Before long, the victim is so manipulated that they feel they have no control over the physical abuse that follows...and probably even believe they provoked the abuse.


An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault

by an intimate partner each year.

-The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is affecting someone around you right now. Your mother, your sister, your best friend, your co-worker. If you see the signs, don't try to rationalize why you shouldn't intervene. Let them know you are there for them. Realize that it may not sink in right away, but I guarantee that seed will grow when the victim is ready.

Almost one-third of female homicide victims that are reported

in police records are killed by an intimate partner.

-The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

If you feel you are in the beginning stages of the domestic violence cycle, please get out now. It won't be easy, but it might just save your life. The earlier you are able to leave the cycle, the better. The longer you stay in the relationship, the more manipulation you endure until you become a shell of yourself... I know. For a short time, I've been there. I've felt the fear looking into the eyes of someone who was in a jealous rage. I've lied to friends and family members about the bruises on my body. ...and I've always considered myself to be a strong, independent woman who would never let something like that happen to me. It can happen to anyone. Teach the young girls you know that they never, ever deserve to be abused in any way - mentally, emotionally or physically, welcome those you know might need your support with open arms, and pray for strength and guidance for those who are suffering. Again, it can happen to anyone.

**originally posted December 25, 2007

As Eli Grows: Prayer

My family prays before every meal, so Eli knows what is expected of him before we eat. Last night, my dad asked Eli if he'd like to lead the prayer. He said yes and his prayer went a little like this:

"God is good, God is great.

Let us thank Him for this food. AMEN! (very loudly!)"

It was a little off, but we were all SO proud of him! One of my biggest goals is to raise this sweet little boy into a Godly man, and what a blessing it was to see him grow a little more last night! :)

**originally posted December 14, 2007

Smile.

My mother taught me at a young age that you never know what kind of an influence you can have on someone's day...by simply smiling. And even when I'm having the worst day, I try my best to do just that. On a good day, I try to take it a step further and throw in a compliment to a complete stranger, just to see them smile and know that I made them happy...if only for a minute. I guess that's why I don't understand why other people can be so mean. I know I can be overly sensitive, but I just don't understand why people go out of their way to bring you down - either with a comment or a dirty look. It baffles me. I realize that many of you will say they're judging or simply jealous, but I still don't get it. There will always be someone who's prettier than you, richer than you, smarter than you... So think of others before yourself and smile anyway. You never know who's watching. :)

I wrote this blog on my Myspace page last October and read it occasionally to remind myself to do just that: smile. This has been a wonderful year, but it's also been a difficult one... I'm 30 years old, yet so naive. I've somehow ended up the focus of a great deal of animosity and deceit from people I barely even know...and it's shown me the dark side of human nature. My initial reaction has been to shut down, to break down emotionally and to move as far away from that negative energy as possible...even if the negative energy is inadvertently around the people I love. But I realize that's not the answer. The answer is to embrace the positive, to show the positive, to show God's love through my love for others - regardless of their animosity or hatred toward me. 

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned, forgive, and ye shall be forgiven."
~Luke 6:37~

The message is: "Live as Jesus did. Learn how to transcend negativity and stay serene, no matter what is happening around you. This device will teach how to stop reacting to the outside world and lead a more spiritual and compassionate life."

**originally posted September 4, 2007

Love One's Self

"To love one's self is the beginning of a life-long romance."
-Oscar Wilde

We all live busy lives, balancing family, work, and friends...and somehow, we forget to balance ourselves in the mix. We are constantly with other people and when we're forced to be alone, in the car or even on an elevator...we're on our cell phones! With that, I'll take it a step further. Some of us not only forget to spend time with ourselves, we run from that time...simply because it's the unknown. I find myself always focusing on the needs and wants of others, but never focusing on what I want or need. Is it because I'm selfless? I'd like to think so, but that's simply not always the case. Ever since I was a little girl, I've never wanted to be alone. Sure, my parents' divorce played a part in the fact that I felt a little uneasy about being "left," but I never, ever wanted to be alone. I couldn't sleep alone, I couldn't play alone...I couldn't even go to the restroom alone. And I didn't have to. My mother and I moved in with my aunt and two cousins and since there wasn't really room for me, I got to pick who I wanted to sleep with every night. I remember the panic I felt when I was forced to do what I thought was pure torture - sleep alone. When my mother remarried, I spent the first two weeks crying myself to sleep outside their locked bedroom door. A difficult lesson on independence, but one I most certainly needed to learn. Thinking back, I've always been an overachiever. I wanted to be involved in everything, so I was constantly busy and constantly entertained. I moved from my parents' home into a four-bedroom house with SEVEN other girls. Alone time was foreign to me, just like I wanted it to be. When I married, my husband was always there and when he wasn't, a friend or one of his sisters spent the night. When I divorced, I found myself completely alone on the nights Eli spent with his father. I remember vividly the first night he was gone. For so many reasons, I didn't know how to function. I cried myself to sleep. It was almost too much to handle. I then decided I didn't want to feel that feeling again and made sure I always had plans on the nights he was gone. Always. It was unhealthy, as many of those nights were spent out until all hours with the girls, but it worked for me at the time. I never had to focus on me. I never had to focus on what I wanted from life. And I didn't want to. I'm so happy to say that is all finally changing. I'm beginning to love spending time with me and it's becoming a luxury to spend an entire evening alone. I'm not sure what I was afraid of and it's sad that it's taken me 30 years to figure it out...but better late than never, I guess! ;)

This being said, I'm learning to love myself like I love my best friends, forgive myself for the things only I know I've done wrong, encourage myself to excel at everything I do, love myself, even the imperfections that most likely only I see, and most importantly, believe in myself.

**originally posted November 20, 2007

My Best Friend

I just heard My Best Friend by Tim McGraw on the radio and it reminded me of a time in my life where I was simply a romantic. I just knew back then that I would find my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. Jealousy, mistrust and emotional pain were foreign to me, while I daydreamed of my life with the man of my dreams, beautiful children and the white picket fence. While I still feel the white picket fence may be a little over the top, I'm working on regaining a bit of my naivete, a bit of my reckless abandon, so I can truly have a future filled with promise. The lyrics state exactly what I would love to find in my future mate and maybe, just maybe, one of these days I will... ;)

I never had no one I could count on. 
I've been let down so many times. 
I was tired of hurtin', so tired of searchin' till you walked into my life. 
It was a feeling I'd never known... 
And for the first time, I didn't feel alone.

You're more than a lover. There could never be another, to make me feel the way you do.
Oh we just get closer...I fall in love all over. Everytime I look at you.
I don't know where I'd be, without you here with me.
Life with you makes perfect sense. You're my best friend. 
You're my best friend, oh yeah.

You stand by me, and you believe in me... Like nobody ever has.
When my world goes crazy, you're right there to save me. You make me see how much I have.
And I still tremble, when we touch. And, oh the look in your eyes, when we make love.

You're more than a lover. There could never be another, to make me feel the way you do.
Oh we just get closer. I fall in love all over. Everytime I look at you.
And I don't know where I'd be, without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense.
You're my best friend. You're my best friend.

You're more than a lover. There could never be another, to make me feel the way you do.
Oh, we just get closer. I fall in love all over, everytime I look at you.
And I don't know where Id be, without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense.
You're my best friend. You're my best friend. You're my best friend.

**originally posted November 25, 2007

Breaking Down the Walls

“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first.

Ask questions, then feel the answer.

Learn to trust your heart.”

Over the years, I have built walls of steel around my heart. I have questioned whether I have truly loved anyone, because I've been able to walk away from every relationship I've ever had with my heart relatively in tact. I've been hurt, but I've always been the one to leave it all behind. Sometimes, I realized the feelings weren't strong enough and other times, it's because I felt I owed it to myself not to allow myself to be treated the way I was being treated. But every time, it was by my own accord. I've often wondered if that's healthy. I don't regret walking away from any relationship (except for maybe the length of time it took me to walk away), but I often wonder that if in the process, the walls are now so high that it's almost impossible for me to let someone in so completely. When do you know whether it's best to follow your heart or your head? When do you decide to set down the fear of vulnerability and the need for control to dive in head first? When do you do away with your cynicism of mankind and relationships in general that has been built up for years and search for, then allow, the love you once believed was possible? While I don't know the answers to these questions, I am beginning to realize that what has happened in the past is not the future...and while I should keep a sense of reality and rationality, God does have a plan for me. By continuing to live behind the barriers, I'm limiting the possibilities He's trying to place before me. Breaking down the walls is a huge step outside my comfort zone, but I'm willing to do so knowing that He is in control.

It is a glorious thing to know that your Father God makes no mistakes in directing or permitting that which crosses the path of your life. It is the glory of God to conceal a matter. It is our glory to trust him, no matter what.
- Joni Eareckson Tada -

**originally posted December 9, 2007